Planning a funeral can be an overwhelming experience, as it involves making important decisions at a very difficult time. You must choose the time of the funeral and what type of service to have while meeting with representatives of different funeral homes. This is on top of contacting family members with the bad news and trying to make time for your own grief.
Unfortunately, some members of the funeral profession aren’t making this any easier. A recent “undercover phone sweep” conducted by the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) discovered 39 funeral homes had committed violations of the Funeral Rule. The FTC sent warning letters noting that they had either provided no pricing when requested or incomplete pricing.
Funeral Rule
The Funeral Rule provides very basic protections for consumers when they are comparing funeral providers. Essentially, when someone calls or visits, the funeral home must provide a general price list. Additionally, the consumer may select goods and services they want; they aren’t forced to purchase pre-selected packages. If state or local laws require certain items be purchased, this must be stated on the price list.
FTC phone sweep
The FTC contacted 250 funeral homes from across the country in 2023. Of those, 38 (15%) refused to answer questions about pricing or to provide complete information. In one case the funeral home gave false information about local laws concerning embalming. Additionally, one other home sent a price list that did not meet the rules for a general price list.
As you can see from the results, some funeral homes still operate under a high-pressure low-transparency model. They realize that organizing a funeral and picking among the various offerings is the last thing you want to be doing when you’ve lost someone important to you, and many will readily suggest products you don’t need. While the Funeral Rule provides some safeguards, there are other steps you can take to ensure you are treated fairly.
Compare costs in advance. When my mother died, she had already set up her funeral, including what casket she wanted, and prepaid a deposit. Whether this was a financially savvy move is open for discussion. However, my brothers and I appreciated not having to make these decisions. If you want to help your survivors, having a clear set of expectations (or even prepaying for part or all of the funeral) is a great way to start.
Try not to give in to guilt. It feels wrong to pinch pennies when a loved one dies. I understand that completely. The funeral is often a last chance to recognize someone for their life’s achievements, so it can seem stingy not to buy the embossed guest book or professionally printed announcements. If you’re having a difficult time, try to think of what the person would have wanted. It might make some of your decisions easier if you think of their values or morals and align the funeral to those.
Look for alternatives. Your local funeral home isn’t the only place you can purchase funeral items. Costco famously sells urns and coffins. You can find a perfectly respectable guest book at a stationery store. When my dad died, the “urn” they buried his ashes in was a $10 wooden box. He would have loved that we didn’t waste money on something fancier.
Hand out responsibilities. Dealing with a death, planning a funeral…it’s a lot all at once. Don’t be shy about leaning on your friends and family. Not to sound crass, but there are people who are very affected by a death and those who are more removed. If you find that you simply cannot deal with one aspect, don’t be afraid to reach out to a relative or friend to do some of the legwork. Have them research local funeral homes, gather pricing lists, even look at alternatives for coffins or funeral materials.
Request an itemized estimate. Even if your funeral home provides a cost sheet, make sure that those specific items you chose are listed out separately so there are no questions leading up to and on the day of the funeral. This can be an emailed estimate or one that you and the director sign if you go to the funeral home. With all that’s going on, it’s better to have one definitive estimate to refer to if there are any questions.
How to complain
While you may be extremely busy in the days leading up to a funeral, if a funeral director does not provide the information required by the funeral rule or still uses high-pressure sales tactics, you can complain. Most states have a Board of Funeral Service or similar group that oversees funeral homes. Many offer websites where you can file a complaint. You may also complain to the FTC or the Funeral Consumers Alliance. As with other complaints, there’s social media and internet review sites you can use also.
Shopping for funeral services isn’t an easy task in an emotionally challenging time. But with careful planning, you can create a funeral service that serves as a fitting tribute to your loved one and provides solace to those left behind.
Photo by Brett Sayles