When my mom passed away, my two siblings and I were named as co-executors. While we all live in the same state, only one of us lived in the same town as my mom. I am about an hour away, my brother about 30 minutes. We initially met with the lawyer who drafted my mom’s will and all signed to continue this arrangement, but after a few weeks realized there was no way we could all be in the same town to manage the estate. We chose one sibling, and my other sibling and I declined our right to be executor.
If you’ve been named executor, realize that it’s a great honor. Someone you care about trusts you and your decision-making enough to assign you the task of managing their estate. While you may imagine being in a crowded room with your relatives listening while a lawyer reads off the bequests, serving as an executor is a significant responsibility that will take huge amounts of time and patience.
What is an executor
Being an executor means you have been tasked with the responsibility of managing someone’s estate after they pass away. In simpler terms, you’re the one who has to handle all their stuff when they’re no longer around. You gather and manage assets to pay off debts and distribute any remaining property according to the will. This can be as simple as contacting the one bank your parent used for checking and credit, or attempting to locate statements for the numerous different financial firms they utilized.
Challenges of being an executor
Time. When I was working on my mom’s estate, I totaled the hours I spent just assembling her various accounts and contacting different companies to let them know she had died. It was over 60 hours in the first month alone. This didn’t include joint decisions with my siblings on things like her funeral or how to dispose of her jewelry (or honestly my research to find the best source in town for selling her jewelry). Know that even with the easiest estates, you will be on the phone for hours and probably visiting companies in person.
And here’s the thing most people don’t know: even when you’ve managed to assemble everything, even when you have the utilities on auto-pay or can log in easily to pay them, you’ve just begun. Probate can take six months, a year, even longer. We were finally distributing the last part of my mom’s estate a full 9 months after she died. It can be like a weight that just hangs there.
Finding everything. Managing assets might sound exciting, like playing a real-life version of Monopoly. But you’ll have to locate and secure all the assets, including properties, bank accounts, investments, and even that secret stash of antique vinyl records hidden in the basement. My mom decided to change her yard maintenance crew several months before she died. The records we found were from the previous crew. Similarly, she had mentioned a transfer-on-death checking account to pay her bills, but she had rolled that into another account. Additionally, in the town in which I reside, there is no separate charge for stormwater runoff, yet I found there was one where my mom lived. You never know what can turn up.
Paying outstanding debts. In addition to discovering the assets and bills, you’re responsible for paying bills in a timely manner. Yes, the yard maintenance crew who we had no way of identifying talked to a neighbor and provided them with a contact so we sent them a check. Yes, the estate has to pay taxes for the deceased person, and the executor manages that as well.
The emotional side. When my mom died, it was difficult to forget her stuff and accounts and focus on mourning her. Then I would come across something relatively innocuous and have tears in my eyes. While necessary, going through all her accounts seemed invasive at times. If you choose to be an executor or even to help out, make sure you keep some time for yourself.
Legal obligations. Executors have a fiduciary duty to the beneficiaries, which means that they are required to put the beneficiaries’ interests before their own. The executor must be willing to play by the rules, following the will without any signs of favoritism. Something as simple as taking a favorite mug could cause havoc if that mug was left to someone else.
When dealing with the financial side of the estate, most executors will hire outside counsel. For example, with my mom’s tax return my sibling provided as much information as we could to a tax professional. When we sold the house, we hired a real estate agent and estate sale company. If you are dealing with a business or investment accounts, hiring someone to help you manage them in the best interests of the estate can protect you from legal squabbles.
Make sure you have the bandwidth
Before making your decision on being an executor, carefully assess your personal capacity and availability. Consider your current commitments, such as work, family, and personal life, and determine if you can devote the necessary time and energy to fulfill the duties of an executor. While it may bring a sense of responsibility and honor, it’s important to weigh these benefits against the potential drawbacks, such as time commitment, administrative burden, strained relationships, and potential conflicts.
You can say no
If the responsibilities and complexities of being an executor seem overwhelming, you may want to explore professional executor services. These services are provided by experienced individuals or firms who specialize in managing estates. While this option does come with a cost, it can relieve you of the administrative burden and potential conflicts, allowing you to focus on your personal and professional commitments.
You can also do what my family did. My brother and I shared responsibilities even though he was the named executor. If we had any questions, we were quick to involve professionals since we had never done this before.
In the end, I was happy that I was involved in my mom’s estate because, while there were headaches, it felt like I was honoring her life by doggedly digging into the details of her estate. And quite frankly, it made me want to provide a little more organized trail for my wife or kids to have if something happens to me.